Come Fly With Me

Posted on July 31, 2014 by Amelia M.

I am no stranger to air travel. In fact, I just got back from a quick trip to Texas [Post to come!]. On this last trip I’ve noticed airlines are becoming very a la carte. Want to pick a seat? $$ Checked bag? $$ Carry on? Even more $$$. I have no interest in shelling out for “stretch room” or overpriced soft drinks, but here are some airline features I would consider paying for:

Introvert Seating Section

This would be the Switzerland of assigned seating. A neutral ground where small talk is not needed. No one would be mean, of course, but we would all simply agree to dispense with some societal conventions and indulge our self-isolating tendencies. No one would be under obligation to get to know their neighbor, exchange life stories, attempt to discover a common interest, or look at vacation photos. I admit, sometimes conversation with a stranger can be really interesting, insightful even. But sometimes I’m really tired, on my millionth layover, and every word you speak is sucking the life straight from my soul, and I need to sleep ok?

Note: It might also be helpful for this section to have a rule about not interrupting people while reading. Maybe people who are not into reading do not get this, but if I am reading a novel and there is oh, about 40 pages left, I am not in a talking place. It’s nothing personal, but things are about to get real. I need to be alone with my fictional obsession as this plays out.

Chair Recline /Chair Recline Veto

You pay $5.00 to recline your chair.* I pay $10.00 to stop that madness. I’m working with recycled air and no leg room as it is.

*Face it they are going to start charging for this before we know it.

Massage Chair

Because. Massages.

Soundproof Headphone Rental

You know those really expensive Brookstone ones that you never buy? I want to rent them for like 2 hours only and for no more than $4.00.

Reading Enjoyment Guarantee/Book Whisperer

I feel people are easily bamboozled by the over selection of books in those airport newsstands. It’s too easy to pick something marketed to look good, but actually not what you were in the mood for at all. If I pay those ridiculous book store prices, I want a guarantee. So my idea is this: someone should wander the airport terminals and help people make reading choices.

This person would just grab the offending book out of your hand [Obvious apathy all over your face] and say “I see you are reading a popular, supernatural teen novel there and not enjoying it.” Then they would give you a knowing look [possibly a wink?] and say “Try this.” Then they hand you a book of a similar genre [no judgments there], but higher quality. After one page you are immediately impressed and want to form a life friendship with this wise book guru, but it’s too late as they’ve already disappeared into the night, er, rather the food court line.

Compatible Personality Seating

Ever sit down on a plane and actually have a strikingly handsome, age appropriate guy sit next to you? Then have him look deep into your eyes and say “ Would you mind switching seats with my girlfriend?” We’ve all been there. Now, I’m not into the idea of being set up on a airplane blind date [Shudder]. However, I do like the idea of someone having a job where they try to match up single flyers without their knowledge, based on compatibility, be it romantic or platonic. I would love doing this job. They’d only need to add a few extra lines to the airline ticket purchase process. I would suggest the following questionnaire/ personality test:

Single [and looking for love]?
Single [and looking to vent breakup gossip with a stranger]?
Favorite music genre?
Favorite book?
First screenname/email/social media handle?
Last Netflix marathon?

I would not allow any more personality analysis questions as I would also want this to be a challenge for the arranger. This person would be part matchmaker, part detective. I now realize this may be a reality show I am subconsciously workshopping. Oh my gosh, let’s call it “Meet Cute.”

Airlines everywhere I anxiously await your implementation of these ideas. Also, while I have your attention, I’d appreciate if someone did something about the deplorable state of the McDonalds in the Denver airport [Near the Frontier gates].

Currently: Getting back in to “real” post travel life [booo] and celebrating my sister’s engagement [yay!!!!]

Disneyland as told by someone who’s never been to Disneyland

Posted on July 5, 2014 by Amelia M.

This post is dedicated to @emilymackay1138, @courtcoconey, and #GetPaigeonTwitter. This is what you’ve done to my brain friends.

In my time on this planet I’ve learned a few important survival skills: look both ways before you cross the street, don’t run with scissors, always have a zombie apocalypse plan, and never, EVER, say something as cavalier and dangerous as “I don’t care for Disneyland.”

Mob behavior will ensue.

And whatever you do, don’t say that as a 26 year old adult you’ve never been to Disneyland.* The other participant of your conversation will look at you as though you are one half of a Nicholas Sparks couple that just found out you can never be with your true love for some cruel, destiny related reason. This look is slowly wiped away and replaced with a fire of determination within their soul to help get you there.

I’ve decided it’s time to collect and document these Disney stories. That way when I do finally go I’ll be able to compare legend with fact. So, without further ado, here is what I believe Disneyland consists of:

Rides

There are four rides you will ride at Disney Land:

Space Mountain. This is the best ride ever. If you don’t ride this ride you’re living life wrong and will probably be banned for life if you ever try to enter the park again.
Indiana Jones. This is also the best ride ever and totally represents everything good about your childhood.
The Teacups. Honestly I’m not sure when anyone actually gets to go on this ride as I imagine it is constantly being ridden exclusively by overjoyed children who are being filmed for DisneyLand commercials.
It’s A Small World. This is where you are required to sacrifice part of your soul in order to set balance to the Disney scales. Thought Disney collects American money at the gate, this is the true cost of entry; no one can pass through the gates and not enter enter this ride. But I hear having that song stuck in your head for the rest of your life is a small price to pay for all the other greatness given.

Characters

This is your one chance to snap a picture with your childhood idol, be it Ariel or Aladdin. Don’t screw it up. Also, do not ask them for directions. I have a vivid memory of a Full House episode where costumed characters kept trying to reunite DJ and Steve and failing due to their terrible gesture skills. This may sound trivial, but it was actually a big deal [The screen time given was equal to the time given when Michelle got amnesia from falling off that horse and was forced to re-live the fact that her mother was dead. Yikes.].

Dole Whips

Ah the Dole Whip, delicacy of the Royal? Nectar of the Gods? None of these descriptors can prepare you for the reaction of a room at the mention of this treat. It is an awed hush of reverence followed by loud, joyful squeals of excitement and yearning. After seeing the outrage and pain of America at the near extinction of the Twinkie, a mere road trip snack food, I would shudder to see the devastating consequences if someone threatened the existence of the Dole Whip. From what I can tell the Dole Whip is made of pineapple, sugar, and just a pinch of cocaine. It is chilled and formed on the top of Mount Olympus before it is brought to the common people, a gift no one can properly explain. Upon eating it you are transformed from a normal, run of the mill, average joe to a person with shiny, long flowing hair and a glimmer of greatness.

Children

I first thought Disneyland was designed purely for children, but now I know it is the opposite. Children cry, have temper tantrums, need you to supply constant nourishment, are sensitive to the elements, and hog all the face time with characters [Except for when you went of course, you were an angel princess among a sea of toddler peasants]. Disneyland is for grown ups who know how to enjoy it properly. Come back when you can be grateful children.

Fast Passes

Unless you want to wait in a desert of joyless, rideless-ness you should get a fast pass. I think these are different for each ride, so really you should get all the fast passes. My only confusion is if everyone gets a fast pass how are they faster??? Someone explain this to me later.

Parades

All day, every day. With fireworks.

Disney Stars and Star-lets

Remember back in the day when all our favorite sitcom darlings went to Disney Land for a To Be Continued series of episodes that delighted and amazed (If not see my recap of the Full House dilemma given under Characters)? I can only hope this still happens. Although I’m worried I may not recognize it when I see it. What if I accidentally bump into some random kid and she says, “Oh, no need to be coy, here’s my autograph.” Only for me not to have recognized the new star of The Suite Life of Hannah Montana goes to High School Musical as directed by Tim Burton????

Side note: If there was not a crossover episode where Hannah Montana accidentally dated both of the Suite Life twins with them thinking she was two different people and her thinking they were one person who knew her secret, that was a lost opportunity Disney.

Performances

I’m pretty sure there is always at least one high school/middle school choir or drill team performing at or near Disneyland at all times. Most of my friends have done this at some time and it seems to be a great experience. They do not offer this option to members of the AP art class or Spanish National Honor Society [However, to be fair, most guests probably do not want to watch some punk kids paint a mural or conjugate verbs.].

Propaganda, er, I mean, Merch.

Everyone I know comes back with some sort of token from their stay, be it Mickey Mouse Ears or a t-shirt. They will use this to try and subtly brainwash you into going one day. I’m completely on board with this. I know when I’m old and alzheimer-y I can’t count on some old, wrinkled version of Ryan Gosling to jog my memory [Dang Nicholas Sparks, how did you get in this post again?]. Instead I will look at my hot pink sweatshirt with Cozumel emblazoned on the chest to remember I went places and influenced society. Men = unpredictable. Sweatshirts are forever!

Feel free to correct what I’m sure are loads of factual misrepresentations. If I do manage to make it to the Magic Kingdom anytime soon I will be sure to give you a comparison post.

Currently: So happy I got to spend last weekend with my family celebrating Camie’s wedding!

*Disclaimer: I did go to Disneyland Paris while on study abroad in 2009, which according to everyone doesn’t count.

Hop, Skip, and a Jump

Posted on June 1, 2014 by Amelia M.

While my long weekend could have been spent organizing my house, getting friendly with my Netflix account, or envying my sister’s trip home to Texas (don’t worry I’ll get my turn), instead I hit the road and got to enjoy a little piece of gorgeous I never realized was practically in my backyard (road trip-wise): Jackson Hole.

In typical fashion, I made all my trip arrangements and decisions mere days before departure with a good deal of help from a Facbook thread full of knowledgeable friends and trip advisor reviews (Trip planning before the Internet must have been torture). I then endured the eternity that is the last hour of work on the Friday of a long holiday weekend, threw my things in the back of my friend Emily’s car, and set my sights on Wyoming.

Though slightly delayed by a slosh of I-15 traffic (and one Sonic drink stop… go ahead, try to convince me that’s not mandatory) we were soon rewarded with a backdrop of lush green mountains. I imagine the scenery just before our destination was even more beautiful, but we made it to our destination just before midnight so the end of our drive was a pitch black rearview and one faithful road companion who lit up the curvy drive and stayed with us practically the whole rest of the way. We craned our necks upwards to admire the starry sky and settled into our hostel for a good night’s sleep.

The next day we started our morning with white water rafting. I’d never done this before, but soon discovered I love it (only regret: no photographic proof)! We went to the office where we meet our rafting companions, three fellow Utahan women on a girls rafting trip (this was their second year and they promised they would show us the ropes and be our “moms”) and the object of their affections, a new rafting employee from Arkansas stuck to his go pro (our new friends could not get over his adorable accent), along with our official guide, a guide in training/transfer from Tennessee, and a few others. Our “moms” made sure we had sunscreen, the guide made sure we knew what to do if we fell off (didn’t happen), and our tag along Tennessee guide regaled us with twang-y stories of Thailand and Costa Rica rivers. Despite cold water temperatures, I had a great time going down the river, especially when I got to ride up at the very front ( I was told I could not stop grinning). I was queen of the boat. I stand by that.

Since I don’t have river pictures I’ll share these views from the drive later that day at Grand Teton National Park.

We stopped for lunch at Pearl street market (crazy good sandwiches) and spent the rest of the day at Jenny Lake.

We got there in time to catch the last boat across the lake.

This little guy greeted us at the shuttle boat.

Once we got off the boat we hiked to Hidden Falls. The falls were great, but the bridge was out so we couldn’t get too close.

We came across these little falls first.

Hidden falls!

Our trail was snowy, but not this snowy. This sort of marked the end of the path, or at least the part of the path I was willing to go up, haha.

Then we hiked around the lake back to the visitor’s center. The trail was still a bit snowy, but we managed. The weather itself was fine, although we did get some rain. Along the way we also saw some wildlife. Small, non-bear, wildlife. Which is how I like my wildlife.

Me and Morty, my trusty walking stick.

We kept seeing these guys all along the trail.

Not everything was covered in snow.

We ended out the night with pizza and parmesan, truffle oil waffle fries at Pinky G’s. We dropped by Yippy IO for dessert.

I ended up leaving with salt caramel fudge, blueberry gummy bears, huckleberry gummy bears, and pomegranate jelly beans. All to be eaten separately, of course.

There’s more to it, but I get a little snap happy at Yellowstone, so I’ll continue this in another post.

Currently: Apologizing for being gone girl. You may be happy to know I’ve got a few other posts coming your way, including my recent trip to Moab.

Bedelia

The less literal and fictional Amelia

Category Archives: Life

Come Fly With Me

Disneyland as told by someone who’s never been to Disneyland

Hop, Skip, and a Jump